"One act of obedience is better than one hundred sermons."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Why is obedience so hard? The
dictionary says it is compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another's authority. I guess we just don’t want to do what someone else tells us, even if it is God telling us and especially if the request is contrary to our own selfish desires. My experience has been that when God
is asking me to do something small it is often not about the request itself but
about my willingness to obey.
A recent example involved my netbook. It suddenly wouldn’t
let me into my email so I took it to a repair place nearby. The computer guy
reloaded a new Windows 7 and said that would take care of the problem. After I got it home it worked fine for one
day and then did the same thing. So I took
it back and asked for a refund on the repair bill. Then suddenly it worked again- and kept on
working for several weeks.
That’s when I felt the Lord urging me to return the refund. After debating about it with myself and God for
a couple of days I finally complied and returned the refund. I did the “right” thing. The guy was truly amazed and delighted and said
something to the effect that I’d “made his day.” Maybe God was at work somehow in him and
using me? Or, more likely, He was
teaching me something about myself. Ironically,
as soon as I did this in obedience to the Lord, the computer acted up again and
it never worked right again. Needless to
say I struggled for a while to understand this, did God have a weird sense of
humor? Finally I simply came to the
conclusion I just needed to chalk it up to an exercise in obedience.
I think sometimes God wants me to obey so He can let me see
an area of my life that has gotten out of control. I remember around the time we were closing on
our new condo, I was busy choosing our paint colors, carpeting, kitchen
cabinets, counter tops, kitchen appliances, etc. It was great fun and I felt like a kid in a
candy store. We had owned our own home
before back in Massachusetts, but it was not a new home and I did not get to
choose what went into it. This was a new
experience for me and I was very excited.
Everything was pretty much done when I decided that Plantation shutters
would be perfect in the office.
It was then that I heard God clearly say, “No.”
I was surprised and not a little dismayed. I have never had to wonder what He means when
He speaks to me - l knew immediately that He was referring to the
shutters. I also did not have to wonder
about why He would say this. In my heart
I knew I was going overboard. I couldn’t
seem to be content with what we had. I kept wanting more and better. Wow, I thought to myself, that kind of insatiable
greed can just sneak up on you and consume you. Even though I knew this I still
wanted to bargain with God! Will I never
learn? God does not bargain. So I surrendered the shutters and in a short
period of time I forgot all about them, it had never really been about them at
all.
Maybe these little things, these seemingly unimportant
requests for obedience, are training for the harder, more important ones? Whatever they are, I am always just amazed
that the Lord draws near and speaks to me at all- the least I can do is obey,
even if I sometimes don’t understand what He is up to.
I used to not be so quick to obey or maybe it was just my
doubting it was really God talking to me (or hoping it wasn’t Him). Now I’m more inclined to just do whatever it
is He is asking of me because I’ve learned I get no peace until I do.
One time, shortly after we moved here to Columbus, I was on
my way to work at Columbus State Community College where I taught, when I got
into an accident. I drove into an intersection
when my light was red and was hit by a car crossing the intersection with a
green light from the other direction. The
impact spun my car around and really shook me up. Luckily no one was injured and we both only
sustained minor damage to our cars.
Initially,
when the police arrived on the scene to take a report, I was still in shock and
not sure about what had happened, I did suspect though that it had been my
fault and that I had had one of those episodes when your brain goes on auto
pilot and you keep functioning while your conscious mind is off somewhere
else. I think it’s been called “Highway
Hypnosis” because it is a common phenomenon of drivers. You are driving along for a few miles on the
interstate and then suddenly, like coming out of a trance, you realize you have
passed several exits but have no recall of the distance travelled.
When
the officer arrived on the scene to take a report I didn’t say anything about what
I suspected. He eventually wrote it up as a “no-fault”
accident and I forgot all about it. My
insurance paid for the damage to my car, but I was bothered by the fact that
the other driver, a very nice young man named Keith, who was expecting his first
child, (we got to talking while waiting for the policeman to finish his report)
had said he could not afford to put in a claim to his insurance company because
he did not want his rates to go up. I
remembered feeling bad about that.
Well,
time went by- enough time in fact that the accident finally came off my driving
record. Then, about a year ago, completely
out of the blue, God spoke to me in much the same way and said, “I want you to
make amends to that young man.” Again, I
did not have to ask Him who He meant- I knew instantly who He meant (that can
really freak you out).
I had
buried the incident so deep in my subconscious mind that I had literally
forgotten it ever happened. But God
hadn’t forgotten. He won’t let us sweep
things under the carpet. He calls us to
clean up our messes so we can live at peace with others, ourselves and Him.
Even
though I knew this, I started to argue:
“But
God,” I said, “I don’t even remember his name or how to get in touch with him
and even if I could what would I say?”
God was
silent.
I
pleaded, “It would be humiliating to say it was my fault now, after all this
time. I just can’t face him!”
God was
silent.
I had
been down this road before so I knew I was not going to win this way. I thought this time I was being clever. I told God, and myself, that I would try to
find him (I was being obedient). Then I promptly
forgot about it and got busy with life.
After a
few months God again spoke the same words.
Again, I agreed and then procrastinated.
This went on for about six months!
I
finally realized that I valued peace with God more than my desire to avoid an
uncomfortable amends to this young man. So
I took steps to actually find him and it was surprisingly easy. I simply got a copy of the accident report
from the police headquarters downtown (which had his name and address at that
time) and then did a people search on the internet.
Because I finally was obedient, God blessed me in surprising
ways every step of the way through my amends process.
First I needed to get an estimate of the cost of the damage
to his car so I could reimburse Keith. I
took a copy of the police report with the description of the damage to both
cars to several auto collision repair shops.
At first everyone said they could not give me an estimate without seeing
the actual car. Finally in desperation I
screwed up my courage at the last garage on my list and told the guy I was
trying to make my amends and work my 8th Step and I needed to get a
ball park cost on damages. The magic
words “working my Step” known by all involved in AA worked. His whole demeanor changed and he gave me an
estimate. I thought that was pretty cool.
Was God smiling?
Then I needed to contact the young man himself and arrange a
meeting. I did not have the courage to
call him, so I wrote him a letter explaining that I wanted to make amends to
him for not taking responsibility for the accident we had more than five years
ago. I waited in fear and trembling and
then finally, after several weeks, I received a reply. He not only remembered me but was willing to
meet with me. My husband drove me to
his house and waited outside in the car.
With much trepidation I went in alone.
Keith extended a grace to me that I did not deserve. Our meeting was a blessing I will never
forget, and although it came through the forgiveness of this young man, I knew
God was using him to bless me for my obedience.
Since Keith was expecting his 2nd child and had just lost his
job, I’m sure God used my check to bless Keith too. He has a way of working like that, doesn’t
He?
