Obedience

"One act of obedience is better than one hundred sermons."

                           Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Why is obedience so hard?  The dictionary says it is compliance with an order, request, or law or submission to another's authority. I guess we just don’t want to do what someone else tells us, even if it is God telling us and especially if the request is contrary to our own selfish desires. My experience has been that when God is asking me to do something small it is often not about the request itself but about my willingness to obey. 

A recent example involved my netbook. It suddenly wouldn’t let me into my email so I took it to a repair place nearby. The computer guy reloaded a new Windows 7 and said that would take care of the problem.  After I got it home it worked fine for one day and then did the same thing.  So I took it back and asked for a refund on the repair bill.  Then suddenly it worked again- and kept on working for several weeks.

That’s when I felt the Lord urging me to return the refund.  After debating about it with myself and God for a couple of days I finally complied and returned the refund.  I did the “right” thing.  The guy was truly amazed and delighted and said something to the effect that I’d “made his day.”  Maybe God was at work somehow in him and using me?  Or, more likely, He was teaching me something about myself.  Ironically, as soon as I did this in obedience to the Lord, the computer acted up again and it never worked right again.  Needless to say I struggled for a while to understand this, did God have a weird sense of humor?  Finally I simply came to the conclusion I just needed to chalk it up to an exercise in obedience.  

I think sometimes God wants me to obey so He can let me see an area of my life that has gotten out of control.  I remember around the time we were closing on our new condo, I was busy choosing our paint colors, carpeting, kitchen cabinets, counter tops, kitchen appliances, etc.  It was great fun and I felt like a kid in a candy store.  We had owned our own home before back in Massachusetts, but it was not a new home and I did not get to choose what went into it.  This was a new experience for me and I was very excited.  Everything was pretty much done when I decided that Plantation shutters would be perfect in the office. 

It was then that I heard God clearly say, “No.” 

I was surprised and not a little dismayed.  I have never had to wonder what He means when He speaks to me - l knew immediately that He was referring to the shutters.  I also did not have to wonder about why He would say this.  In my heart I knew I was going overboard.  I couldn’t seem to be content with what we had. I kept wanting more and better.  Wow, I thought to myself, that kind of insatiable greed can just sneak up on you and consume you. Even though I knew this I still wanted to bargain with God!  Will I never learn?  God does not bargain.  So I surrendered the shutters and in a short period of time I forgot all about them, it had never really been about them at all.       

Maybe these little things, these seemingly unimportant requests for obedience, are training for the harder, more important ones?  Whatever they are, I am always just amazed that the Lord draws near and speaks to me at all- the least I can do is obey, even if I sometimes don’t understand what He is up to. 

I used to not be so quick to obey or maybe it was just my doubting it was really God talking to me (or hoping it wasn’t Him).  Now I’m more inclined to just do whatever it is He is asking of me because I’ve learned I get no peace until I do. 

One time, shortly after we moved here to Columbus, I was on my way to work at Columbus State Community College where I taught, when I got into an accident.  I drove into an intersection when my light was red and was hit by a car crossing the intersection with a green light from the other direction.  The impact spun my car around and really shook me up.  Luckily no one was injured and we both only sustained minor damage to our cars. 

Initially, when the police arrived on the scene to take a report, I was still in shock and not sure about what had happened, I did suspect though that it had been my fault and that I had had one of those episodes when your brain goes on auto pilot and you keep functioning while your conscious mind is off somewhere else.  I think it’s been called “Highway Hypnosis” because it is a common phenomenon of drivers.  You are driving along for a few miles on the interstate and then suddenly, like coming out of a trance, you realize you have passed several exits but have no recall of the distance travelled. 

When the officer arrived on the scene to take a report I didn’t say anything about what I suspected.  He eventually wrote it up as a “no-fault” accident and I forgot all about it.  My insurance paid for the damage to my car, but I was bothered by the fact that the other driver, a very nice young man named Keith, who was expecting his first child, (we got to talking while waiting for the policeman to finish his report) had said he could not afford to put in a claim to his insurance company because he did not want his rates to go up.  I remembered feeling bad about that. 

Well, time went by- enough time in fact that the accident finally came off my driving record.  Then, about a year ago, completely out of the blue, God spoke to me in much the same way and said, “I want you to make amends to that young man.”  Again, I did not have to ask Him who He meant- I knew instantly who He meant (that can really freak you out). 

I had buried the incident so deep in my subconscious mind that I had literally forgotten it ever happened.  But God hadn’t forgotten.  He won’t let us sweep things under the carpet.  He calls us to clean up our messes so we can live at peace with others, ourselves and Him.

Even though I knew this, I started to argue: 

“But God,” I said, “I don’t even remember his name or how to get in touch with him and even if I could what would I say?” 

God was silent. 

I pleaded, “It would be humiliating to say it was my fault now, after all this time.  I just can’t face him!”

God was silent. 

I had been down this road before so I knew I was not going to win this way.  I thought this time I was being clever.  I told God, and myself, that I would try to find him (I was being obedient).  Then I promptly forgot about it and got busy with life. 

After a few months God again spoke the same words.  Again, I agreed and then procrastinated.  This went on for about six months! 

I finally realized that I valued peace with God more than my desire to avoid an uncomfortable amends to this young man.   So I took steps to actually find him and it was surprisingly easy.  I simply got a copy of the accident report from the police headquarters downtown (which had his name and address at that time) and then did a people search on the internet. 

Because I finally was obedient, God blessed me in surprising ways every step of the way through my amends process. 

First I needed to get an estimate of the cost of the damage to his car so I could reimburse Keith.  I took a copy of the police report with the description of the damage to both cars to several auto collision repair shops.  At first everyone said they could not give me an estimate without seeing the actual car.  Finally in desperation I screwed up my courage at the last garage on my list and told the guy I was trying to make my amends and work my 8^th Step and I needed to get a ball park cost on damages.  The magic words “working my Step” known by all involved in AA worked.  His whole demeanor changed and he gave me an estimate. I thought that was pretty cool.  Was God smiling?

Then I needed to contact the young man himself and arrange a meeting.  I did not have the courage to call him, so I wrote him a letter explaining that I wanted to make amends to him for not taking responsibility for the accident we had more than five years ago.  I waited in fear and trembling and then finally, after several weeks, I received a reply.  He not only remembered me but was willing to meet with me.   My husband drove me to his house and waited outside in the car.  With much trepidation I went in alone. 

Keith extended a grace to me that I did not deserve.  Our meeting was a blessing I will never forget, and although it came through the forgiveness of this young man, I knew God was using him to bless me for my obedience.  Since Keith was expecting his 2^nd child and had just lost his job, I’m sure God used my check to bless Keith too.  He has a way of working like that, doesn’t He?

And I learned something else too. It is not enough to just obey, I needed to also learn to do so with a joyful heart because the Lord asked it of me. “Do everything without grumbling or arguing” (Phil 2:14). Well, that part I’m still working on, but I do think Bonhoeffer was on to something.